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Finding Accountability

Hello,

I have just realized that today is the day I woke up and wanted to write again. After so long I’m finally in a place where the ground is stable beneath me. Where I look in the mirror and don’t hate who I see. The last time I wrote anything on this blog I was in a bad place. I had a bad case of PPD that would not let me go. Tegan is almost two know. It’s insane to think how much has happened in two years. I went from staying home full-time to becoming the breadwinner of my family. I went back to working in the strip club and began to have a relationship again with my body. I began to recognize the woman in the mirror staring back at me.

I lost my voice (figuratively) believing that I had nothing to say and was for all intents and purposes a gray blob who just existed. I spent so long under pressure that was self-inflicted that when I began to search for someone to blame I came up empty-handed.

I have been toying with the idea of law school. I know that it is something  that I want for my future as a career. I’m just unsure if I need to have it right now. When I first thought of it I thought I had to do everything right then and there. I then made myself crazy for all the pieces not falling into place immediately. So I decided to try to relax and work on something a little smaller at first. Something like making my goals at work or trying to become more organized in my hobbies.

I joined a book club recently. The first meeting I’m going to attend is on Tuesday. I’ve picked up this blog again. Picked it up off the dusty WordPress shelf and started shaking it back to life. When new people ask me what I like to do. I would like to tell them that I enjoy spending time with my husband and daughter, going to coffee shops, reading, writing. When I say those things I want to be able to believe them myself and remember the last book I read, blog post I wrote etc. I hope to find accountability and learn how to hold on.

-Rebecca

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